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Introducing Your New Partner to Your Children

Are You Ready To Introduce Your New Partner To Your Children? Ask Yourself These 5 Crucial Questions First

 

Nothing about divorce is easy. It’s a process that affects everyone, including your children, differently. This is important to remember when you begin dating after a divorce. While you might be excited to announce your relationship to the world, your kids and your former spouse may not share the same enthusiasm.

Here are five questions to ask yourself prior to introducing your new partner to your children:

  1. Is my divorce finalized? For many parents, this is a no-brainer. It’s often a very bad idea to date during your divorce process. If you do date prior to your divorce, make sure to keep your personal business private, even when it comes to social media. Dating prior to your divorce being finalized could jeopardize your relationship with your kids and even have negative implications for your child custody case.
  2. How old are my kids? The decision to introduce your new partner to your kids is highly subjective. Still, when you have young children, you want to be particularly sensitive to their needs and world-view. Many kids hope that their parents will eventually get back together. When you introduce a new partner, this belief is shattered and could result in unforeseen emotional turmoil. If your child is young, or you just recently divorced, it’s best to wait until they get used to their new family dynamics before introducing a new partner.
  3. Do I see myself being in this relationship long-term? After a divorce, the inclination to jump into a new relationship to rebound from the old one is strong. In many cases, these relationships don’t withstand the test of time. Prior to introducing your children to a new partner, spend time getting to know the person and evaluating the relationship. If you’re casually dating, you might want to hold off introducing your kids to your partner until your involved in something more permanent. Your children could get attached to a new partner and when that is over, they are left mourning the end of yet another relationship.
  4. Am I ready to tell my ex that I’m involved with someone? If your not ready to tell your former spouse that you’re dating, don’t introduce the kids either. The last thing you want to do is to ask them to keep a secret from the other parent. Assume that your kids will tell your ex-spouse about meeting someone new and consider telling your ex yourself, before introducing your kids. This gives you an opportunity to address any concerns head on and prepares your ex for questions that may arise after the introduction.
  5. Am I prepared to deal with my child’s unique emotions and feelings? Understand that children will react differently and are entitled to their feelings. It’s normal for your child to feel a host of emotions about your new partner. They could be excited one day and feel jealous or need extra reassurance another. Try to remember that divorce is a process for all involved. While your children want you to be happy, they might not express it in the way you hoped for. Give them the freedom to ask questions, have alone time with you and ease their way into this new chapter of your life.

In our experience, it’s best to wait until everyone, including your children, seem ready for you to date. Rushing into an introduction can backfire, and if you want your relationship with your children and your new partner to work, easing into the relationship is key.

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